hilaryfraser - fraser communication & coaching

Me first

2011-12-27T16:52:00.000Z

I often find myself saying goodbye with these words: "...and look after yourself". A lot of those I know take the care of others as their priority and find themselves occasionally tired, worried, perhaps resentful or low on resources.

A Buddhist story:
There once were a couple of acrobats. The teacher was a poor widower and the student was a small girl named Meda. The two of them performed in the streets to earn enough to eat. They used a tall bamboo pole which the teacher balanced on top of his head while the little girl climbed slowly to the top. There she remained while the teacher continued to walk along the ground.
Both of them had to devote all their attention to maintain perfect balance and to prevent any accident from occurring. One day, the teacher instructed Meda, "Listen, I will watch you and you watch me, so that we can help each other maintain concentration and balance, and prevent an accident."
But the little girl was wise and answered, "Dear master, I think it would be better for each of us to watch ourself. To look after ourself means to look after both of us. That way I am sure we will avoid any accidents and will always earn enough to eat."

How do you spend most of your caring energy - spreading it out or focusing inwards towards your own well-being? Be mindful of yourself, protect and care for your own physical and mental health. Don't worry if those around you aren't at their best. You can look after them once you are re-charged and at your most resourceful.

Happy New Year. And look after yourself in 2012.

Six qualities cultivated by great listeners

2011-11-27T15:27:00.000Z

This is the third of my blog entries on Listening. I'm passionate about this subject, so watch out for future articles and my book!

The qualities of a good listener, according to social scientist Robert Carkhuff, include:

Respect – if you do not admit the uniqueness and worth of the speaker, this is a big barrier to listening. If you find you cannot easily respect the person, try instead to respect their role, or their goal.
Being genuine – don’t withhold yourself from the interaction even if your role is to share less and listen more. Humans can be recorded by a machine, but not listened to by one.
Empathy – imagine what the other person thinks and feels. This could be very different from what you might think and feel, and your efforts to avoid assumption will help create understanding.
Concreteness – don’t let the dialogue become abstract or impersonal ; get specific. Ask for examples, challenge generalisations and ask for the evidence behind assertions.
Confrontation – the magic blend of challenge with support, to engender honesty and awareness. This is the ability to have someone take off their rose-tinted specs and look at themselves straight in the mirror you're holding up for them.
Immediacy – clarify and take responsibility for what arises in the moment between speaker and listener. Cast light into the conversation, don’t talk in the shadows. Tell them how you feel as you listen to their story, or what you think now or want now. Listening is just one half of a dialogue.

Listening for Gold, Part Two: hospitality skills

2011-10-30T14:31:00.000Z

Not only can listening be seen as a gift of your time and effort but as Henri Nouwen said, it is the highest form of hospitality. So how could we become more generous listeners, and benefit others as well as ourselves?

There are seven skills to practice:

1. Be clear on your own motivations in listening. What are you listening for? To find something out, to build the relationship, to analyse or evaluate, or to support? Your objective determines the way you listen.

2. Understand the goals and intentions of the speaker. What we think the speaker is trying to say impacts on how effectively we make meaning from their messages.

3. Is it your intention to hear or to respond? We often believe we have the solution to a problem we are listening to and cannot resist the urge to jump in with our fix. Your desire to ‘add value’ may have the opposite effect if it suggests that your speaking is more important than their speaking.

4. Use Acknowledgement. In consultative-type conversations (e.g. coaching, selling), think about the cycle of Question – Response – Acknowledgement. If you receive a response to your question which is not congruent, the acknowledgement serves to re-focus. (The person asking the question is managing the conversation). If the response is congruent, your acknowledgement demonstrates that you are listening.

5. Be mindful of where your attention is and be aware if it lapses. If the topic is dull, find an interesting aspect for yourself. If the speaking is dull, focus on the content not the delivery. We speak at around 180 words per minute but our brain can process up to five times faster, so use that spare capacity to think about the ideas in what you are hearing and work hard to resist distractions.

6. Exercise your listening muscles, as you would any other part of your body. When you are listening to the garbled verbal equivalent of minestrone soup, try taking notes, listen for structure, identify the themes or chunk information into logical groupings.

7. Don’t under-estimate the power of repetition, summary and paraphrase. Not only do these skills help you remember and show you have listened, but they also allow for the speaker to reflect on what they said and to gain the benefits of really listening to themselves.

By the way, skills of ‘active listening’ can be easy to fake e.g. posture, eye contact, nodding and hmm-ing, so be aware that the speaker can detect, at some level, your underlying lack of sincerity.

Next time, I will share the mindset and attitudes that you can cultivate to develop yourself as a superlative listener.

Listening for Gold, Part One: How often do you say 'Say again?'

2011-09-30T13:01:00.001Z

An article of mine was recently published in TrainingZone magazine, and I've adapted it into three parts for this blog. Here's the first section, intended to make you think about how well you listen and what you might gain if you were really skilful at listening.

Out of the four basic communication skills, listening is perhaps the most taken for granted. We learn and practice how to speak with impact, we think hard when we write a document, we take our time to re-read difficult passages in a document. But listening is unlike these skills: we cannot rehearse listening, especially to dialogue that we will co-create, and it’s awkward to keep asking someone to repeat themselves so that we can have another go at understanding them.

What indicates how well we have listened is a combination of how the person listened to feels, as well as what we say in response. And as U.S. playwright W. Mizner put it: "A good listener is not only popular everywhere, but after a while he gets to know something."

Which of these benefits could you gain if you improved your listening?

· You could fully grasp the essence of the message someone is trying to tell you

· You could create a perception of yourself as a person who thinks before they speak

· You could go beyond the message to the real connection with the other person, and deepen the relationship

· You exercise your mind and increase your powers of concentration

· You could create more listenable speaking so your colleagues understand you more easily.

My next blog will cover the skills that you can cultivate to be an expert listener.

Communication is a 'top 3' skill for leaders

2011-08-05T09:13:00.000Z

In a recent survey by Kevin Murray, chairman of Bell Pottinger Group, the leaders of 60 major organisations agreed that communication is now a 'top 3' skill of leadership. In our high-speed, transparent, global business world of the 21st century, the challenges of inspiring, influencing and achieving results are daunting. The old, closed, hierarchical and controlled structures are not viable when news travels around the world in seconds, where someone is always watching you, where people expect to be communicated with and where employees see themselves as part of a democracy. With a choice of channels and wide variety of audiences, the demand on the communication ability of a leader is significant. When they get it wrong, reputations and brands can be devastated (ask BP).

Leaders must assess themselves now and ask for feedback: do they have the excellent communication skills that will minimise risk and maximise their reputation and their business prosperity? If there is room for improvement, what are they going to do about it before it's too late?

Autobiography in Five Short Chapters, by Portia Nelson

2011-07-09T14:15:00.000Z

It's been a challenging few months during which my appetite for writing disappeared. I think it's coming back now. In the meantime, to celebrate lifelong learning, here's Portia Nelson's poem.

I
I walk down the street
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in
I am lost... I am helpless
It isn't my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

II
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it
I fall in again
I can't believe I'm in the same place
But, it isn't my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

III
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in... it's a habit.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

IV
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

V
I walk down another street.

Attach & Detach

2011-03-29T14:43:00.000Z

What or who are you attached to? If you ask your friend or colleague, they might easily give you a list like: my cat, my partner, my children, my Louis Vuitton handbag, my holidays in the sun, my wide-screen TV... That's all great, makes us feel warm all over... but is there another list that we are not so happy to examine?

A shrill buzzer is going off in the business lounge. What does it mean? Where does it come from? everyone looks around but no-one can find out where it's coming from. We sit back down and carry on working... but some people sigh frequently in frustration, others keep getting up to search for the source, some swear at their laptops. They are attached to the noise, listen to it, react to it, and let it take front of stage in their consciousness. They suffer.

Other people are letting the noise wash over them, and will not permit it into their minds. They get on with their work unimpeded by the irritation. It is just something in the environment, like the humming of the fridge or background conversation. It becomes part of the scenery and they let it go from their conscious mind... They have decided not to get attached to the noise.

What do you let yourself get attached to? External disturbances like the buzzer? Or is your attachment to the internal 'monkey mind' - the ceaseless babbling of thoughts interrupting our concentration? My clients often tell me that one of the benefits of coaching is the sense of calm concentration that flows through a session, and having had this experience it becomes easier to reproduce it on your own. People who meditate will also show a much greater ability to focus and concentrate despite distractions.

Next time you encounter something that threatens to derail your peace of mind, simply ignore it. It won't go away, but you and your work won't go awry.

Everyday presentation skills exercises and tips

2011-02-26T17:47:00.003Z

It's always great to have some presentation skills training but what if you don't get to do many presentations? Fortunately, many of the techniques that you learn during your training can be practiced in everyday situations. Here are some simple daily exercises to help you become more confident for when the big presentation comes up, and as an extra benefit you'll become a better everyday communicator.

Be aware that some of them are to stretch you beyond what is 'normal' behaviour, so be careful where you do these!

Eye contact tips and exercises:

Make eye contact with your colleague before you begin speaking.

Practice the 'Load, Aim, Fire' technique. Silently absorb a sentence or phrase from your newspaper, then look up and say it aloud. Look back down at the next phrase, absorb it, look up and say it aloud. Do a paragraph's worth of this and you will build your skill and discipline so that you are able to work effectively from slides or presentations without losing eye contact with your audience.

Practice making eye contact with strangers - in the supermarket, with a bus driver, even with random people you like the look of in the street. Make sure you have a 'pleasant' face and are ready to smile!

When you're standing up speaking with others, check which way your feet are pointing. For most impact, ensure your gaze and your feet are both facing the same way so you are not sideways-on.

That brings us to posture:

When you're wanting to look confident, face the other person straight on, as in point 4 above.

Ensure you are standing on both legs equally, not leaning onto one side or the other - if your weight is on one leg, you are psychologically and literally "on the back foot".

Like your mother told you... shoulders back, stomach in. Do this when you're seated and not only will you have more physical presence than if you are slumped in your chair, but your voice will project better and be more resonant.

And so onto voice tips and exercises:

In the shower, count up the scale from 1 to 9, where 1 is a whisper and 9 is as loud as you can. You could do this in the park too but you might get some funny looks.

Loosen up your facial muscles by pulling faces in the mirror. Give your different expression sequences names e.g. "Kiss your Aunt and look surprised". This helps you articulate words more clearly by loosening up your jaw, mouth, lips and teeth.

Further exercises for clear articulation include repeating your favourite tongue-twisters or:

P B T K G

Ted the Dentist

Fast Van

Kipper, Kitty

Cat Gut

Putty Butty

Another fun way to improve pronunciation of consonants is to mouth speech without sound. You will find it uses your facial muscles more than you would in normal speaking. As a game with a friend, try mouthing sentences or numbers to each other and see if you can understand by lip reading alone.

Breathe!

Become more breath aware, because it's probably one of the most important things you can do for yourself. Many speech hesitations (um's and er's) are the result of poor breathing, as is a very rapid pace. Good breathing has physiological and psychological benefits too.

Aim to spend a few minutes each day breathing fully and gently into your lungs. Take this time to notice how your breath feels as it goes in and out.

Stand upright with an open posture, breathe out, and as your lungs fill up again with air, imagine that the air is rising up into you from out of the ground through the soles of your feet.

Gestures:

Express yourself more precisely by using the appropriate gestures e.g. count on your fingers when going through your list of points, or add emphatic gestures for additional weight to your argument without changing your voice.

If you find that your over-use your hands or that they flap about of their own accord too much, try consciously stilling them. Put them slightly apart on the table in front of you, or place them lightly in your lap. It's useful to practice gaining control over your hands but don't aim to eliminate all movement.

Remember that as well as personal impact from gestures, breathing, voice and eye contact, you will also make an impact from the way you present your ideas. Think about structuring your messages logically, tailoring the message to the listener and above all, have a clear idea of what you want to say and why.

"Do one thing every day that scares you" - Eleanor Roosevelt

2011-01-30T17:26:00.001Z

This week in Paris a training course participant asked me, "I really lack confidence so how could I ever be a great presenter?" She has almost everything it takes: she's articulate, good at her job, warm, smart and with plenty to say for herself. Not to mention having had some great training of course! What's missing is experience and with experience comes confidence. Our confidence in our own ability comes from having done something and is often not present before we tackle the daunting task. Given the likely absence of confidence when we feel we need it most, what resource can we call on to get us over the threshold and into the thing that scares us?

Courage goes by many names, and it can be hard to tell when it is present. We feel scared not brave, then we act and later realise that it took courage to do what we did. It's what moves us forwards in spite of our fear; when we want to back out or call in sick, it's our courage that makes us step into the room or onto the stage and go through with the thing we must do. Eleanor Roosevelt's quotation tells us to practice being fearful every day so that we build our courage a little bit more every day.

What is every-day fear? Fear is like a troublesome flat-mate, who bothers you at awkward moments. A flat-mate who tries to manipulate you to do what they want, how they want - even though it's your flat! To gain control and ensure harmony, you first need to know and understand the fear then create the rules that you will both adhere to. For my French participant, she might face her fear before her next presentation, recognize it as protective in its intent and ask it to go away this time so that she can have the opportunity to succeed or to learn something. Being confident is perhaps more about knowing yourself and knowing how to use all of your resources, both courage and fear alike.

Goodbye to 2010, hello to 2011

2010-12-31T21:09:00.001Z

It's the ideal time to reflect on what's happened and not happened over the past 12 months for you, and to think ahead too. Easier for some to spend time planning for the New Year and what activity lies ahead; easier for others to dwell on achievements and developments that have already happened. And for a few, there is no time like the present in which to immerse oneself, excluding as far as possible other time-frames. What is your preference? and why is that so?

To aid your reflection, here are some of my favourite thoughts from the famous, successful and learned.

Wisdom denotes the pursuing of the best ends by the best means. (Frances Hutcheson)

Leadership is communicating to people their worth and potential so clearly that they come to see it in themselves. (Stephen R. Covey)

Leadership is creating an environment in which people want to be part of the organisation and not just work for the organisation. Leadership creates an environment that makes people want to, rather than have to, do. It is a business imperative to create that environment. (Horst Schulze, former CEO Ritz-Carlton)

Give the world the best you have and you may get hurt. Few of us can do great things, but all of us can do small things with great love. (Mother Teresa)

There is only one success, to be able to spend your life in your own way.

Wishing you a healthy and happy 2011.

Robert Cialdini and Ronnie's Sex Shop

2010-11-28T14:12:00.005Z

I'm over it now, the dinted pride. What Professor Robert Cialdini has taught, and I have many times re-taught, on the subject of influence, Ronnie of Ronnie's Sex Shop never needed to learn.

On Route 62 across the Klein Karoo in sunny South Africa, there's a road-house that used to be called Ronnie's Shop until his friends had some fun with a paint brush one night. Humorously renamed 'Ronnie's SEX Shop', it now features in the guidebooks and Ronnie is famous. He sells drinks and meals and runs the bar, which is now decorated with undies.

"Hi babe," he said as I sat down, and I looked up into a smiling face. The dude has a long grey ponytail and I liked him (Cialdini 1 - liking). He showed me some leaflets and after a few minutes helpful chat about tourist options, suggested that I take a look in his shop (Cialdini 2 - reciprocity) when I was ready. A few minutes later, as I finished my coffee, he reminded me that I'd agreed to do that before I left (Cialidini 3 - commitment and consistency). I went in and saw piles of T-shirts and aprons with a special picture of the place. "Not available anywhere else!" said Ronnie, (Cialdini 4 - scarcity). "Lots of visitors take one home to remember their holiday in SA" (Cialdini 5 - social proof). I picked up an apron and tried it on - it was far too big for me and my husband looked unimpressed. Nonetheless, I had already decided to buy it.

"How much?" I asked. 180 Rand. Gulp. Almost £18! "Pardon?" I said. "180 Rand," said Ronnie firmly. (That was Cialdini 6 - authority). I handed over the cash, took the apron and skedaddled back to the car. I felt funny... bad.... why? I sat puzzling while my husband drove us away from Ronnie's. Then it started to dawn on me: I'd been what Prof. Cialdini calls a 'patsy'. He writes, "Click and the tape is activiated, whirr and out rolls the standard sequence of behaviours." The reasons why people comply have been studied by psychologists, and Cialdini calls humans' automatic behaviour triggers the 'Weapons of Influence'. My defences had been down and in a beautiful and relaxed spot I'd happily allowed myself to be on the receiving end of each 'Weapon', skilfully wielded by the grinning Ronnie.

Post Tenebras Lux / Por la razón o la fuerza

2010-10-20T14:24:00.002Z

Not far from where I live, there is a crumbling house that used to belong to Hackney's celebrated Mole Man. He gained notoriety when it was discovered that he'd excavated tunnels from underneath his house, extending under other property and bus routes. He has since died (and gone who knows where) but the house will be either restored or knocked down and a new one built. I wondered who decides on whether to restore it or start afresh, and transferred this thought to the people I work with who face decisions about improving or re-building their own lives.

Since coaching is about change, many people want to be coached in order to be or to have something different in their lives. The challenge is often that we already lead very occupied, busy lives and like a house that's full of furniture, it's hard to find space to put new stuff. So we have to choose - do we clear out old things, build an extension of some kind or knock the house down and build one that fits the new desired lifestyle?

'Clearing out old things' means getting rid of old, unwanted ways of doing things or unhelpful beliefs about who we are or ought to be. Unlearning is a necessary precursor to learning something new. And like it takes time to decide what worn-out furniture you'd throw out or what you really can't bear to be parted from, the decision about what to unlearn often takes consideration and courage.

If we'd rather add something into our life without getting rid of what we have, then how to create a congenial place for it? Much like we'd convert a poorly-used space like a loft or cellar, we can look at the poorly-used time in our everyday life and change how we spend that time. Instead of watching unimportant TV, take twenty minutes to meditate. Add preparation time at the start of your working day, plan how to do a task rather than just doing it, and perhaps most importantly, switch off the auto-pilot. By being mindful of what you are doing and how you are being while you're doing it, you add appreciation of the present moment and enhance your enjoyment of even the most ordinary ways of spending time.

Finally, what if we decide to knock it all down and start again? Give up the city career to run a B&B on Skopelos? Stop making deals and start making chutney? The first question is, how to make the right decision? Or rather, which part of you wants to do this and which part holds you back? Just as Hackney's Planning Service will be besieged by competing views of what is best for the Mole Man's falling-down house, so we as individuals often have numerous 'voices' pulling us in different directions. Each of them needs time to have their say, to answer tough questions and describe their vision or their fears. Then when our heads and hearts work together to make the final decision, it's going to be the right one.

Whether we want to take something away, add something in or make more fundamental shifts in our life, coaching helps people make better decisions so that change happens well and delivers the means for us to progress.

PS. The title to this piece consists of the former and current state mottos of Chile, in honour of the 33 miners and their families. Post Tenebras Lux means After Darkness, Light. Por la razón o la fuerza means By Reason Or By Strength. I intended to write about coming out of dark places, but that's for another time now.

Maslow and the Mid-life - turning the pyramid upside down

2010-08-30T08:42:00.008Z

Perhaps it's my age, but I've noticed a lot of articles and blogs bemoaning the mid-life years recently. Women especially say that the pressures are horrible - we're expected to be happy, attractive and fit, wonderful mothers, successful at work, settled with a supportive and doting partner, doing something nice for our community - and at the same time we are wondering why it just doesn't seem to be enough.

Abraham Maslow gave us insights into human needs. His work is often portrayed as a pyramid, with Level 1 as the broad base. I think that the pyramid should now be inverted, because for 21st Century woman and man, the lower levels are insignificant and quite easily obtained compared to the higher ones which now matter the most. (Here I am writing about the developed world. Millions of people in the world do not have their basic needs met.)

Level 1: Basic physiological needs - you and I take it for granted that we'll eat, drink and have a decent place to live.

Level 2: Safety needs - our society is chock-full of safety measures, from the anti-terrorist squads to domestic and personal alarms, cameras, devices and H&S officers. Crime rates keep falling. Most of us are safe.

Level 3: Belonging and love - ladies, we have, if not Mr Right, then our girlfriends, our colleagues, mumsnet, the book club, Facebook and our own or others' kids to be family to.

Level 4: Esteem needs. We find esteem through our work, status from our position or role, and recognition for the knowledge and skills we have accrued. We have achieved much by mid-life. Still, esteem can be elusive and impermanent, endlessly needing renewal. The inverted pyramid gets harder to balance.

Level 5: Self-actualisation. This, more than the other levels, is what the mid-life crisis articles are really about. Where is the meaning? What kind of person could I now be? How should I be true to myself? The good news is that many of us have worked our way up the four preceding levels and satisfied those needs, so now we are free to work with this one. There's also a lot of help out there. The bad news is that this level of satisfaction has no measurable outcome, it's an act of faith, a re-adjustment and an adventure that many of us may not be equipped for yet. It may not be comfortable; it's never easy. And one final thought about mid-life - it might not be the middle of your life. You might have less time available than you think. Let's stop moaning and get to work on it.

Three days of my week: three books: three approaches to handling resistance to change

2010-06-06T16:33:00.003Z

Change is the constant theme of people development. And resistance to change is a constant theme in coaching. My week was filled with myriad ideas on how to tackle this resistance - or were all the sources saying the same thing?

Wednesday - a discussion with former colleagues about the author Paul Stolz and his Adversity Quotient. His ideas are around how clients can think themselves into different behaviours, with particular reference to dealing with adversity and increase mental resilience. To better handle tough times, his strategy is simply summed up by LEAD:

Listen to your adversity response - when your gut is telling you something, tune in.
Explore its origin and its ownership. If you own the problem, you're more likely to act positively.
Analyse the evidence you have to separate facts from assumptions.
Do something.

Love this last piece of advice! Anyhow, that gives us one approach to dealing with an issue. Let's compare it with what I learnt on Thursday.

Thursday - a group of coaches was discussing 'Immunity to Change' - a book about what holds us back from doing the things that will get us to our goals. Why don't we just eat less when we are overweight, for example? The authors Kegan and Lahey quote from research the frightening statistic that only 1 in 7 people who are told by their GP that they have to change their lifestyle to avoid early death actually do so.

The reason is that when we commit to doing something new, we usually have some competing commitments already fixed in place that sabotage our good intentions. These competing commitments have developed as part of our emotional immunity system, and function effectively to protect us against unwanted situations including looking bad to others or to ourselves, or conversely to preserve a very positive image for example, as hero, vital team member, in control... Interestingly, these competing commitments are fuelled by big assumptions that we hold to as "truths, incontrovertible facts, accurate representations of how we and the world are." When we can understand these assumptions for what they really are, we at last hold the key to lasting, adaptive change.

In simple terms, this is a process of overcoming resistance to change through identifying one's 'immunity to change'. To do that, first be aware of what the issues are in terms of desired versus actual behaviours, then think though the causes and effects of worries driving competing commitments, testing big assumptions for any evidence of reality and then - do something. Not so different from Stolz perhaps.

Friday - a head-cold kept me at home so with seething brain, I sought out a short, simple e-book on Gestalt coaching by John Leary-Joyce. Gestalt helps deal with resistance to change by paradoxically embracing the resistance and even exaggerating it. The essential steps are to become aware of your resistance to something, to experience it fully, to not try to do anything until the feeling has been fully explored, and once a greater degree of understanding has been developed the problem will often dissolve, as if of its own accord. It is a sensing rather than an intellectual way of exploring the issues, and powerful in its use of feelings to help process more than mind alone can do.

What has come clear to me is that whichever way you might approach making a change in your life, it seems a whole lot easier if you have a coach to support you. I'd expect the coach to lend courage, to create a safe space to explore feelings, to hold up a mirror by asking questions that help you generate insight, to provide a positive absence of judgement and to be the ears to hear the thoughts and feelings that may never have been spoken aloud before.

If that sounds like something that you might ask of a counsellor, I disagree. If you re-read the processes above, you could imagine a consultant working through them. A coach is facilitating some change between now and the future, by helping apply whichever process works within the context of the unique coaching relationship.

Book Review: Voice of Influence, by Judy Apps

2010-04-25T17:28:00.001Z

Judy Apps is a voice coach whose new book will deservedly win her a wider audience. Her book is designed to help anyone improve their vocal technique and range and it combines practical exercises with wisdom on how our inner world impacts our voice.

Why is the voice so important to business executives wanting to influence others? Because the voice not only conveys confidence, authority, passion and inspiration verbally, but it helps us connect with people kinaesthetically through its vibrations. Think about a voice you love - how it affects you physically. The Italians only have one word, 'sentire', to describe both feeling and hearing.

Judy Apps discusses how your voice reflects your history, as well as your physical being. Her mind-body approach takes us through using our breath effectively, developing a relaxed posture, increasing resonance and articulation. It is fascinating to try her exercises to understand the different sounds and influences that come when your voice resonates through your head, your throat, your chest or your gut. Good articulation comes from working on clear use of consonants and vowels, so there are tongue-twisters as you might expect and facial exercises, but also reflections on how muddy thinking and uncertainty cause us speak less clearly.

All the common problems that business people experience are tackled, from dealing with pressure to improving pace, clarity, projection and variety. There are many engaging exercises and she has included many inspiring speeches and verses to declaim out loud, as well as quotes about the power of the voice. To cite Richard Eyre, former artistic director of the Royal National Theatre, "The best voices engage the heart, the mind and the body". This is a how-to book that inspires its readers and helps us to get the best from our own unique voice.

Communication Tips - 10 Tips for Planning your Presentation

2010-03-21T15:42:00.003Z

Set aside enough time and schedule sessions for planning and preparation, well ahead of your deadline.
Begin with a fresh mind and a clean slate - don't automatically re-work the last presentation you did.
Be clear on who you are presenting to: never present to strangers.
Get very clear on what you want to achieve. What action, thinking, questions or feelings do you want to stimulate?
Focus your preparation time on what matters most: the flow, your key messages, rehearsal. Don't waste your time twiddling about with Powerpoint - keep it simple or get proper help.
Plan to be flexible on the day. You should be able to summarise your messages if there is less time available or to deliver your presentation in a different format if necessary. Remember back-up.
If the presentation matters to you, rehearse it at least three times and get feedback. If it doesn't matter, get someone else to do it.
Think of the toughest questions that you hope you won't get asked and prepare your responses.
"Time spent in reccy is never wasted". Make time to check out the presentation environment so there are no surprises on the day.
If you only have a little time to plan, ensure a strong clear start stating your objective, no more than three main points and a summary and/or call to action at the end.

Ski cross and pitching

2010-02-24T08:21:00.002Z

Watching the Winter Olympics these evenings has me skiing imaginary pistes on the hearthrug, leaping out of start gates, twisting round poles and clenching my fists in vicarious thrills. I can feel the pain of a wipe-out (I've experience) and I can imagine the beautiful satisfaction of performing a winning run.

I am not a fan of extended analogies between sport and business. Sport is quite simple; business is complex. But consider ski cross, which is compelling viewing, and reflect on how it compares with what happens when we are competing in a high-stakes pitch for a new client.

Like in a competitive tender, there are multiple competitors going for it at the same time. You're not allowed to 'interfere' but you can defend your line. Crashes and falls are frequent; sometimes just surviving the race is enough to win it. As in business.

The course is daunting. It's steep, twisty and full of huge jumps, banks, moguls... about 25% of the time is spent in the air. Doing whatever it takes and hoping, presumably, not to crash-land with ignominy or worse. Few business people would admit to being out of control and terrified, but I have seen many pitches that send that message to the audience.

Four competitors leap from the start at the same time and there are often immediate problems just getting over the first obstacle, a huge double wall. That's the equivalent of completing a massive RFP with an impossible deadline.

The pace is fast and requires intense focus to seize every tiny opportunity, to be aware of who is close by, to choose and maintain the best line, to control every take-off, landing and corner. Similar mental energy with a clear strategy, an understanding of the competition and the ability to use winning tactics are equally essential to a successful business pitch.

The analogy can go further - to the importance of training and rehearsal, the right mindset, the value of a good back-up team etc. My final thought as I turned off the TV and left the racers to their glorious moments of victory in front of the cheering crowds: you go back to the low-profile stuff tomorrow and the thrills are over - until the next time!

Influence and listening

2010-02-18T07:42:00.002Z

"You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you". Dale Carnegie

During the influencing skills workshop I ran yesterday, I was struck by the challenges that people had with one particular exercise. It involved holding a short conversation where the purpose was for Person A to find out about Person B. For the questioner, it meant putting themselves in a position of NOT offering information, opinions, experiences or other contributions, beyond that of active listening and asking simple questions.

But this proved almost impossible. Participants had great difficulty in bringing their focus 100% to the other person, even for a few minutes. The questioners' need to participate in a more 'normal' way by adding in their own material was very strong. So why is it so hard to keep our own stuff to one side for even just a few minutes?

Perhaps our egos have an over-riding need to tell, rather than ask?

Perhaps we are used to adding value in business and think this equates to input?

Perhaps what we say is of more interest than what the other person says?

Perhaps we automatically view the other person's comments as an invitation to respond concretely?

Perhaps because listening attentively is tiring?

Regardless of why it's so hard for us to keep our 'self' out of the conversation, why is it worth making the (considerable) effort to do so?

Being listened to with undivided attention is a rare experience of course and it benefits us in important ways. We can work through our thoughts as we articulate them, and find out what what we are really thinking. We gain insights by having the opportunity to hear ourselves speak and reflect on what we are saying. We feel recognised and valued, knowing that someone is paying attention to us. We are grateful to be released from the effort of politely maintaining a socially normal kind of dialogue.

We tend to like the people who bring us these benefits through listening. We respect their ability to restrain the natural desire to chip in. When we compliment someone for being a good listener, it has different implications than a compliment for being a good talker.

Good listening creates a depth of trust that talking can't. For anyone wanting to be more influential, to build deeper relationships or demonstrate maturity and gravitas, this is a vital ability to master.

Communication Tip - when it IS what you say that counts

2010-01-30T15:32:00.004Z

"It ain't what you say, it's how you say it" is a common theme on presentation skills courses. Perhaps you've heard Professor Mehrabian's misunderstood statistics or something similar: "7% of meaning (or impact) comes from the words you use, 38% from your voice, 55% from your facial expression". So how come we seem to spend so much time on the content, we wonder, as we plan our messages for the next presentation?

The short answer is: if you want to make people think, or have them change the way they feel, then you have to have something interesting and relevant to say. If you just want to make an impression so they like or admire you, that's another matter.

I attended an industry conference this week and one of the speakers put the Mehrabian myth to bed for the audience. He's a peer of the realm, so his credibility was strong and there is no denying that always helps ensure people pay attention. He spoke with no visuals, no Powerpoint images, no live technology interaction. He mumbled a bit and rushed at times, losing his audience for short periods. He held a bunch of notes and referred to them. Perhaps he was trying to make the point which I am now echoing. We'll probably never know why he chooses to present like this - I'd guess that experience shows how well he achieves his real presentation objectives.

The point is that the audience went away from his session thinking hard and discussing what he'd said. They also felt happy and inspired, somehow feeling that they were a little better for having absorbed this man's thoughts. What he articulated has informed the delegates' thinking and their actions and will continue to influence them long after the conference closed its doors.

If we want to encourage people to change things or to make things happen, to persuade them to think a little differently, or if we want to enthuse and inspire others, then we need to work very hard on the words we use.

What we say reflects the power of our mind and our words can make a lasting difference.

Communication Tip - presenting with comfort

2009-11-18T11:11:00.002Z

It's rare to find people who are naturally comfortable on their feet presenting to an audience. Most people eventually get comfortable through practice, learning lessons along the way as to what works and what doesn't. If you're looking to keep that learning process as pain-free as possible, you might like to try out some of the following tips.

Before the presentation:
1. Rehearse. That means rehearse out loud, on your feet. Get the message into your skin so you don't have to worry about what you're going to say or what happens if you lose your notes.
2. Visualise. It's a form of mental rehearsal with the added benefit that you imagine the positive atmosphere and focus on success. Don't just see yourself looking comfortable, but also think about what the audience will be doing, what you will be hearing, how you will feel inside.
3. Breathe. Before you get going with your presentation, take slow breaths in and out through your nose, pulling air deep into your lower lungs. This calms your nerves and increases the flow of oxygen to your brain for just when you need it the most!

During the presentation:
4. Avoid that lonely feeling induced by standing up front and centre of the group. Start off seated to go through your opening, introduction and maybe even the agenda, then when the presentation proper begins, move to your standing position. By now, you will be into your flow, feel that you're 'on the same level' with the group and your voice will have overcome any of the nervous quirks that can show up at the start. As a young presenter, I used to holler my introduction like an Army recruiting sargeant, which could be disconcerting for my audience.
5. Hang onto something. A piece of furniture such as a chair back or side of the podium can be very helpful at steadying nerves and stilling excess body movement. A nice big marker pen or mouse pointer is a smaller kind of safety blanket. Never clutch onto a biro that has a clicking mechanism or click-on cap as your unconscious clicking can drive an audience to clicking distraction.
6. Breathe again. Find moments to pause and take a deep breath. Think of pauses as punctuation, helping the audience to find meaning in your words. While both you and they have time to think during the pause, your deep breath will add resonance and energy to your voice. Once you get comfortable with pauses, you have cracked presenting with comfort.

After the presentation:
7. Ensure any microphones are OFF before you speak 'off air'. I once heard a senior executive quite clearly say "Thank God that's over!" as she left the stage and her credibility will have suffered as a result.
8. Get feedback. You must learn what is working well for you so that you can keep doing it and build on your strengths. You must learn what could be better for next time, so that you can ensure you work on that. Don't accept vague feedback but push for the specifics.
9. Review your own performance in an objective way. Ask yourself whether you achieved the purpose of your presentation. What bits did you enjoy? What advice would you give yourself so that you can be even more comfortable next time you present?
10. Warning: don't get too comfortable! The nerves we feel will help us to do a good job under duress. A presenter who appears too comfortable can seem arrogant or insincere. You're aiming for focused and relaxed... Enjoy each experience as fully as you can.

Leadership is in your DNA - is it time to develop those instincts?

2009-10-16T17:40:00.004Z

Instinct is essential to making good decisions. If we only use our heads, we may never be fully happy with what we choose to do. But if your instinct is telling you now that you're a natural born leader, why not take a little time to think it through before you act. Here's a short checklist.

1. Is the time right...
... in your industry or market sector? Can you see a hot new area where you could work on something innovative and accomplish something particular? You will achieve a higher profile as a leader if you make a distinctive success on a niche project. Big Fish/Small Pond gets you ready for bigger ponds in future.

... in your company? Is the firm in need of new leaders? Sharp pruning often means that new shoots can develop, so company downsizing and growth can present opportunities. Does your organisation need your kind of leadership - are they open to innovative approaches or needing the security of a safe pair of hands?

... in your career? What risk do you see when assessing whether to seize the leadership opportunity: A) It's High Risk, but you have to take it in order to move onwards; B) It's Medium Risk, looks attractive - but maybe you could wait to see if there's a better time; C) It's Low Risk, a natural progression for you.

2. Ensure that when the opportunity to lead is indeed something you want, you get your timing right. Be prepared.

- Examine your past. Consider what relevant experience is evidence of your leadership capabilities. Think too about the mental baggage that you have accumulated - past failures, dashed hopes, others' expectations and so on. See what you can drop right now and work on how you can use the rest in a useful way, to spur you on.

- Assess the present. Use a SWOT analysis to help check your assumptions. Different people will be very bullish about the Opportunity and ignore the Threat, or vice versa. Either way, being unrealistic will harm your chances of success. Check your assumptions again.

- Look into your crystal ball. What do you want to see in there? When you are a successful leader, what will you be doing, where, how, with whom, saying and hearing what? If you create that vision, then you can specify objectives, set out your routemap, see any gaps. What are you doing to prepare yourself?

3. Go for it! Your instincts have been put to the test by your thinking. Leadership is in your nature but it still needs nurture.

- Get training and/or coaching to help you transition into your new role. You will have new peers, bosses and reports to deal with and you need good skills and effective leadership behaviours.

- Communicate well to all your stakeholders. This improves your chances of success by creating positive perceptions of you and your team. Let people know what you are working on, for which client and do share lessons learnt and success stories.

- Keep thinking ahead. Stay proactive with your leadership of yourself and others. And before making any more big decisions, tap into those instincts - they're essential!

Communication Tip - eye contact

2009-09-13T14:38:00.002Z

Your awareness of eye contact and its effective use can improve the quality of all face-to-face interactions. Eye contact is a silent dialogue that helps us better understand each other's intentions.

Get comfortable with giving and receiving both more and less eye contact that you typically do, so that you can flex your approach easily when you need to. For example, you might need to work with someone from a different culture who may prefer less eye contact, or you may find yourself needing to increase your assertiveness level without raising your voice.

Here are some ways to enjoy practicing eye contact:

- Make eye contact with a stranger you pass on the street and as you do so, think something positive about them.
- Open your eyes a little wider instead of responding immediately to someone, and see what they say next (I'm reading 'Wolf Hall' by Hilary Mantel and the hero Thomas Cromwell is very adept at this).
- When standing up to present, align your feet with the direction of your gaze to increase your impact.
- When seated around the table, move your body to align with your gaze as far as reasonably possible. You will make each person you look at feel fully attended to.
- Learn the technique of One Thought to One Person for your presentations. Ask me how if you don't know it yet!

Have a good looking week.

Honk! Honk! Leadership lessons from Geese

2009-08-17T09:30:00.002Z

From the website: www.stuartgrayassociates.co.uk.

Leadership Lessons From Geese
1. Much greater flying range is added by flying together in a ‘V’ formation, not alone. - People who share a common direction and sense of community can get where they are going quicker and easier because they are travelling on the thrust of each other.
2. When a goose falls out of formation, it moves straight back in to take advantage of the lifting power of the bird in front. - If we have as much sense as a goose, we stay in formation with those headed where we want to go. We are willing to accept their help and give our help to others.
3. When the lead bird tires, it rotates leadership.- It pays to take turns doing the hard tasks and sharing leadership. As with geese, people are interdependent on each others' skills, capabilities, and unique arrangements of gifts, talents, or resources.
4. Geese honk to encourage those up front to keep up their speed. - We need to make sure our honking is encouraging. In groups where there is encouragement, the production is much greater. The power of encouragement (to stand by one's heart or core values and to encourage the heart and core values of others) is the quality of honking we seek.
5. When a goose gets sick or wounded, two geese drop out of formation and follow it down to help and protect it. - If we have as much sense of geese, we will stand by each other in difficult times as well as when we're strong.

Make your ideas stick

2009-08-14T07:20:00.003Z

Dan Heath is a speaker and author, writing on 'How managers can make their ideas stick'. It's worth ensuring your company presentations or your next client pitch incorporate any or all of his six principles:

1. Simplicity
2. Unexpectedness
3. Concreteness
4. Credibility
5. Emotion
6. Stories

Read more on his blog: http://madetostick.com/blog/

"You don't have to be sick to get better"

2009-07-11T16:08:00.002Z

I had a discussion with my Mum about stress the other day. She's quite a fan of stress. Thinks that nothing would get done without it. Well, of course humanity wouldn't have evolved this far without fight or flight and all the heavy breathing, sweating and thumping heartbeat those two options entail. In the 21st century, we find stress comes from a variety of sources and requires a more subtle approach to harness its power to our best interests.

One particularly nice way to deal with stress is to pre-empt it. Here's a recommended daily stress management technique that will make you feel good inside and out, ready for whatever the day may bring:

On wakening, take a couple of minutes for the following ...

Become aware of your breathing
Become aware of your body, from your toes right up to the top of your head
Repeat any phrase or affirmation that makes you feel good e.g. I am the right person; this is the right time; there is nothing between me and being X (whatever you like to be)
Set your intention for the day - e.g. ask yourself 'What will I enjoy today?'
Focus on what you have to be grateful for

Now,I wonder if I can persuade my Mum to try that and maybe change her mind about stress?

Mystery Shopper

2009-06-06T18:11:00.003Z

A close friend works in the wine department of a magnificent London department store. He told me that their manager had been expecting a visit from the Mystery Shopper for several weeks. During this time, the manager continually exhorted the staff to greet every customer within 60 seconds, thank them courteously, adhere strictly to the Four Key Principles (whatever they are) and generally, offer a consistently excellent standard of customer service.

The staff duly made the effort.

This week, the manager reported to the team with glee that the Mystery Shopper had at last visited the wine department and given them a rating of 95%. This was an outstanding result, way above the store average.

Who should get the recognition?
The manager, for motivating the staff to do their very best? Or the staff, for doing their best?

I don't know how the manager was recognised or rewarded for achieving a great result. My friend tells me that the team were given... nothing. Maybe people are happy just to have a job, or maybe the next time the Mystery Shopper is around, none of the same staff will be.

Poetry again! Written for 3i, by Christopher Logue

2009-05-06T17:10:00.001Z

Come to the edge.

We might fall.

Come to the edge.

It's too high.

COME TO THE EDGE!

And they came,

And he pushed,

And they flew.

Celebrating a new Poet Laureate

2009-05-01T07:26:00.005Z

I'm in the mood for poetry, and so is the UK it seems, with the appointment of Carol Ann Duffy as the new Poet Laureate.

Here is one of my favourite authors, Maya Angelou.

CALL LETTERS: MRS V.B.

Ships?
Sure I'll sail them.
Show me the boat,
If it'll float,
I'll sail it.

Men?
Yes I'll love them.
If they've got the style
To make me smile,
I'll love them.

Life?
'Course I'll live it.
Let me have breath,
Just to my death,
And I'll live it.

Failure?
I'm not ashamed to tell it,
I never learned to spell it.
Not Failure.

Working with students - Business Plan competition

2009-04-29T15:06:00.004Z

I think we surprised each other. The students had perhaps expected a formal tutor in smart business attire, spouting management jargon with a tough or distant approach. I had expected casual kids with a relaxed attitude and the kind of over-confident Gen Y vibe that I've seen in graduates I've worked with. But these young people at London Met Uni were buzzing - full of business ideas, keen to learn whatever they possibly could, not afraid to ask for help to get them where they want to be as fast as possible. They were smart and warm. We worked hard on their presentation skills and they made fantastic progress in just one day. At the end, one of them even said he liked the music I'd been playing. That has to be the biggest compliment I've had in a while.

The Business Plan Competition runs at London Met Uni tomorrow, at the Hatchery on Kingsland Road. The contestants present their business idea to a panel, Dragons Den style. Good Luck to all!

Poem. The Ship, by Charles Henry Brent

2009-04-27T11:38:00.004Z

What is dying?

I am standing on the seashore.

A ship at my side spreads her white sails to the morning breeze

and starts for the blue ocean.

She is an object of beauty and strength and I stand and watch her

until at length she hangs like a speck of white cloud

just where the sea and sky come down to mingle

with each other.

Then someone at my side says: 'There! She's gone.'

Gone where? Gone from my sight that is all.

She is just as large in mast and hull and spar as she

was when she left my side,

and just as able to bear her load of living

freight to the place of destination.

Her diminished size is in me, not in her;

and just at the moment when someone at my side says:

'There! She's gone,'

there are others watching her coming,

and voices ready to take up the glad shout

'There she comes!'

And that is dying.

My recent Training Zone article on presenting

2009-04-16T07:34:00.004Z

http://www.trainingzone.co.uk/cgi-bin/item.cgi?id=196354&d=680&h=608&f=626&dateformat=%25e-%25h-%25y

The article gives practical tips on how to get buy-in to your ideas or recommendations when presenting to an audience. Over 5000 hits to date!

A------- Head Office ladies, I hope you read this

2009-03-12T17:22:00.005Z

I felt inspired by working with nine women from the Head Office of a large pharma firm last week. At first, I was mostly just pleased that I didn't have to become an instant expert on anti-fungal or bladder control drugs, but after the three day workshop, I was awestruck by how much the women were capable of and how much potential they had.

When I reflected later on what the young women had demonstrated to me, I wanted to shout: Learn as fast as you can! Build your confidence and don't let anything or anyone sap it. Volunteer for tough assignments and prove yourselves fast! You're perfect, so don't try changing, just focus on growing.

I'm sorry I missed my opportunity to say that to them, and I'm thinking now about what I can do in the future to ensure that I get that message across before the workshop's over.

Be an A.U.T.H.E.N.T.I.C. presenter

2009-02-18T10:02:00.002Z

Had enough of regurgitating the corporate line? Too many TLAs?
Jargon-crazed? Eyes glazed? Get A.U.T.H.E.N.T.I.C. and be amazed!

Here are some tips to help you bring more of yourself to your presentations. Check how you are being, as well as what you are doing.

A - Alive and Aware of your Audience
U - Unpretentious and Unaffected in your manner
T - True to your self and your audience
H - Happy to be here with them
E - Evidence to back up your points and Examples to illustrate
N - Natural in your delivery. Note: this takes rehearsal.
T - Theme for engaging the audience and Transparently clear messages
I - Interesting and Impactful, otherwise why show up?
C - Coherent, Concise, Clear

Do you know who you're talking to?

2009-02-03T15:46:00.003Z

There's a story that David Hockney's mother, who lives in Leeds, was visiting her son in Los Angeles. Being shown the sights under the blue skies and bright sun she was heard to keep muttering, 'What a shame, what a shame. Such a beautiful day and not a washing line to be seen'.

Not everyone sees the world like you do.

Another one:

'How delightfully the fishes are enjoying themselves', exclaimed Soshi.
'You are not a fish', commented his friend, 'how do you know that the fishes are enjoying themselves?'
'You are not myself', answered Soshi, 'how do you know that I do not know that the fishes are enjoying themselves?'

The implication for sales presentations: work as hard as you can to see the world through the eyes of your audience. Find out what they think and what interests them.

In the words of David Ogilvy, 'You can't bore people into buying your product, you can only interest them in buying it'.

Stratos + agein = leadership

2009-01-26T09:13:00.003Z

Stefan Stern, writing in the FT at the end of 2008, said "If business leaders want their employees to stick to the strategic plan in the year ahead, their messages will have to be clear, credible and persuasive". That's an unequivocal statement and I obviously agree wholeheartedly - it is my business to help leaders be clear, credible and persuasive.

Yet the word that struck me here is 'strategic'. It's so often used as to be almost a cliche. But what makes a plan strategic? Is it the time-line and if so, how far into the future does that go - one year, three years, three months? Or does strategic mean that your plan is fixed and cannot be changed until the next planning cycle? It is usually contrasted with tactical although in practice that doesn't always help. Business people tend to prefer the more important-sounding label whatever the actual content of their plan.

Most of us understand that 'strategic' relates to long-term or overall aims and interests, and the means of achieving these. What isn't so well known is that the word derives from the Greek for general, from stratos meaning army and agein to lead. So in fact, we could say that today's definition of strategic is that it denotes the work of organisational leaders. Whatever you call the plan, this year demands the very best strategic work from all our business leaders, the captains of UK industry and generalissimos of the services sector.

How coaching helps employees deal with stress

2009-01-07T18:37:00.003Z

There are many options for helping staff deal more effectively with the pressure they may be feeling at work and at home as the economy worsens. Many organisations use coaching as part of their strategy for the following reasons:

1. A coach is an independent listener and sounding-board. Many coaching clients are relieved to discuss their real problems and say things that could not be disclosed to their manager or colleagues, for fear of exposing weaknesses that might be used against them later. Coaching provides an opportunity for open and honest discussion and following that, a better sense of perspective is often the first outcome.

2. Under stress, people’s natural resourcefulness and abilities may be less apparent or even blocked. Normally logical, methodical people may become overwhelmed; normally expansive, creative people may become excessively vague and unfocused. It is the coach’s job to help the client re-discover their own resources to deal with the issues. The key element is that the coach does not do it for them, but rather that the client feels empowered and becomes ready to take responsibility and act.

3. A coach will help the client to generate different options for tackling their situation and encourage specific action-planning. This helps employees to look at a wider range of possibilities than they might have otherwise considered, and then to focus, plan and prioritise.

4. Many coaches will also help the individual with additional skills development, and rehearse scenarios such as delivering tough messages, giving feedback or inspiring their team.

A few timely coaching sessions can make a significant difference to key employees by helping them re-gain a sense of control, boost their self-confidence, prepare to be pro-active and find the very best in themselves in challenging times.

Christmas Quiz: how well do you present?

2008-12-24T16:10:00.006Z

Score yourself on the questions below to see how good a presenter you really are. Or is there room for improvement next year?

1. Your preferred presentation position is:
a) Up front and centre stage
b) Behind a nice solid podium
c) In the dark shadows beyond the edge of the screen

2. Your audience usually responds by:
a) Clapping enthusiastically
b) Clapping unenthusiastically
c) Responds? I'm lucky if they're still there

3. Your stage presence has been compared to:
a) Barack Obama
b) David Cameron
c) The donkey in my kid's nativity play

4. Your idea of proper planning and preparation for a presentation is:
a) Two weeks ahead
b) Two days ahead
c) Two minutes ahead

5. You tailor your presentations by:
a) Assessing the audience, objectives, messages and time available
b) Adding in more bullet points or taking some out
c) Speaking much faster or slower

6. You rehearse by:
a) Delivering the presentation to colleagues or a coach & getting feedback
b) Delivering the presentation to my mirror, cat, tortoise or partner...
c) Reading my notes on my way to the meeting room

7. Your favourite visual aids are:
a) An interesting and varied mix, chosen for each presentation
b) My arms and hands
c) PowerPoint - what else?

8. The purpose of your presentation is usually:
a) To persuade, inspire, educate, entertain...
b) To talk through the slides
c) To get it over with ASAP

9. You structure the presentation like:
a) A best-selling thriller
b) A sermon
c) A newswire

10. You deal with pre-presentation nerves by:
a) Deep breathing, visualisation and knowing that I have rehearsed
b) Thinking about the presentation and the audience's needs
c) Having a wee nip of vodka just before I go on

YOUR SCORES
MOSTLY A's: You are a fascinating and engaging presenter. But make sure you retain flexibility and don't get complacent!
MOSTLY B's: You could be a great presenter if you invested more time and effort. Ever wondered how Obama, Blair etc got to be so good? Give yourself the benefit of some fine tuning with an expert.
MOSTLY C's: Don't worry, you are probably very good at something else already - and that something is possibly the subject of your presentations. Find someone to help you enjoy becoming an effective presenter.

If you'd like to talk about presenting, please get in touch!
hilary@hilaryfraser.com

Please phone

2008-12-15T08:19:00.004Z

To all the senders of marketing emails, the owners of distribution lists, the floggers of e-products, the putative hosts of communities, putters-on of webinars and tele-seminars, organisers of conferences both real and virtual, administrators of associations. Could you, maybe just once a year, take a genuine interest in the individuals who make up your audience - what they do, think, feel, want - and please take the bold step of picking up the phone and calling us? I don't mean try to sell us something, simply just make us feel that we matter to you, as individuals, by talking to us directly.
Can you imagine the impact?

Be competitive - get personal like they do in Islington

2008-12-01T18:21:00.003Z

There's no substitute for face-to-face communication if you want to sell something. As a new business, I get showered daily with email offers of products and services but I'd rarely buy anything without a little warm encouragement from a friendly face or a voice on the phone.

You can see from the tactics used on Islington's Upper Street that face-to-face is best, especially when times are tough. In Waterstone's this weekend, a gentleman slid a copy of his own novel into my hand, saying "I'm a local author actually...". Further up the street outside White Stuff, a young man was offering lollipops to passers-by, asking them to step inside and have a look round. These approaches are different from what we expect, and more persuasive.

I was finally convinced that the personal touch reigns supreme over technology when my husband chose to go to a manned check-out in Tesco rather than a DIY till. He explained that he hates being told there are Unidentified Objects in his Bagging Area. Now that's not something anyone would dare say to his face...

What the "L" is leadership about?

2008-11-19T17:36:00.003Z

Everyone's got their view on what Leadership is. That's why there are shelves of books, hundreds of training programmes and dozens of gurus all vying for the time and money of business executives. Fortunately, I've come up with a quick and cheap view of my own: there are Leaders and there are leaders. Upper- and lower-case leadership is important but I believe you can't be a true Leader unless you have spent time as a leader first. Let me explain.

The Big L Leadership is earned, awarded or conferred. It arrives because others want you to have it (though you probably wanted it too). And ultimately it is about them, the others; it's not about you but your followers. This Leadership involves rank or status, recognition and reward, power and authority over other people. There will be expectations; decisions to be made that will affect many; and judgement by the results delivered.

Nobody said this is easy, so what a Leader needs to possess is both character and capabilities. I believe that these are developed when one is a lower-case leader, without formal followers, status or outside expectations. This is a long-term process that often begins at school - and for many it continues throughout life.

Anyone can keep working on their own capabilities and character, in order to manage themselves better in their life and develop the attributes that Leadership will demand. We are all capable of working on our self-discipline, persistence and awareness of our choices. We can each decide for ourselves to do the right thing and be comfortable being different. We can develop our courage, we can learn from feedback and adapt our everyday behaviour and we can even (with practice) acknowledge our weaknesses.

Small l leadership is about personal responsibility and decisions that may affect only you, but it is about developing the best You that You can be. And unlike Leadership, leadership is available to all of us.

Diversity and coaching

2008-11-05T09:32:00.002Z

More than ever before, the British Isles are a melting pot of influences. I live and coach in London, one of the most diverse cities of the world with over 200 languages spoken. Intercultural encounters abound, pro-diversity influences are strong (the BBC’s calendar lets users check holidays of 12 different religions) and there is a high degree of awareness of what diversity means. The impact is colour, variety, stimulus, respect for otherness. The negative impacts include fear of losing identity, confusion over moral rights, or resentment at perceived preferences.

In the workplace, diversity tends to be defined in categories of gender, age, religion, disability, sexual orientation, race/ethnicity. What is often ignored are the class and power groups inherent in many organisations (in many investment banks I have worked with, being white, Anglo-Saxon and male are the predominantly evident factors for management success). Legal frameworks exist to manage and promote diversity and have proven successful, and big business, spotting opportunities, often leads the way. Morally, there is growing pressure to demonstrate commitment to diversity - tenders for business frequently require a statement of diversity policy, for example.

As a coach in business, there are a number of implications for my approach to diversity issues, starting with reconnaissance. It is very important to understand the sponsor organisation's culture, both as it is at present and where the leadership wants to take it in future. Then at the team or group level - I call this the tribal level - there may be specific cultural issues to recognise and deal with. Finally, the individual coachee will certainly have their own mental diversity map and they will let you know their view of the territory, from wherever they feel themselves to be in it.

In the coaching relationship itself, the coach's awareness of their own values and filters is important. These can prove to be stumbling blocks to trust, unless the coach uses their self-awareness to manage the dialogue effectively. When coaching a young woman recently, I had to be aware not to patronise or refer to my own (distant) experience – she had had enough advice already from parents and friends. A sense of curiosity is helpful; an interesting session with a German client uncovered some specific cultural values that influenced her behaviour. I try to minimise any anxiety about differences through acknowledging them and inviting exploration, which can then be beneficial to the client in helping them deal with issues arising. For example, I have coached several Austrian and German clients to develop a clearer communication style in English, and a Cameroonian female bus-driver on use of eye-contact in interviews.

Coaching and diversity go well together; it's active not passive work. It involves looking for creative solutions, examining one's own values and beliefs about others, demonstrating authenticity and curiosity, and ultimately it is work that can leads to a sense of richness and an appreciation of our connectedness as humans.

The Walworth Farce

2008-10-31T15:18:00.003Z

This powerful play by Enda Walsh is running at the National until the end of November. It feels like every other good play in London has been an Irish one over recent years and this one is exceptionally good. It deals with how identity is crafted by the stories we create for ourselves and for others. The theme is that any event is re-created by the telling of it, and a story's characters can be re-cast with the narrator as infallible hero; plots can be ludicrous, for we all yearn for fairy tales. In The Walworth Farce, we see stories from the lead character's life deployed as weapons of considerable power over his sons, and each weapon double-edged with brutal terror and piteous, self-justifying care. Theatre of this quality is an enjoyable treat but it gives rise to uncomfortable questions about the way we, too, present ourselves and how we persuade others to do our bidding.

Polish your CV's 'Personal Profile' - 10 tips

2008-10-27T08:45:00.003Z

Ensure your CV gets read by carefully wording the 'Personal Profile' paragraph which many people insert at the top of their document. It should grab the attention and stimulate the interest of the reader.
Here are some tips to enhance the impact of this paragraph.

1. Highlight your main attributes: what you do well and how you do it.
2. Remember it's about their needs: show you understand their requirements and that what you bring will meet the needs of the role.
3. Relevance: leave out anything that, however wonderful, is just not relevant. Ask yourself 'So What?' for every point you include.
4. Key messages: decide what 2-3 important aspects you want to convey about yourself and include supporting evidence to convince the reader about these points.
5. Brand association: highlight links between you and any positively-regarded brand names eg. voluntary organisations, hobbies, awards, Uni.
6. Credibility: neither be too shy to mention great credentials nor exaggerate wildly on average ones. Get the balance between macro and micro levels of detail.
7. Coherence: create positive perceptions by showing the connections between your past, your present and your desired future. This helps you to create an impression of direction and consistency.
8. Relationships: highlight what kind of people skills you have.
9. Weasel words: avoid adding in meaningless words, jargon and cliches. Use relevant evidence to support any claims about yourself.
10. Impact: read it aloud and shorten or amend sentences that lack impact. Check your verbs are dynamic, not just 'have' or 'got' or 'did'.

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